but im not alive either

... i thought i lost my account due to login issues but nope :3

anyways im fucking fucked so uhhhh idk im bored

lets do a QNA

my favorite 15 questions will be featured so ask anything

edit: fuck it unless i ping everybody this isnt gonna go fast enough so ill just answer em here myself instead of waiting and doing it in another post

nah man why is @tomfulp so tiny up in the corner

i cant even see his other bicep

tubotubally nubot mube, lubistubenubing tubo rubaymuban ubASMR ubin thube mubiddle ubof thube nubight tubo fuball ubaslubeep tubo!!

ubi ubam subuch uba cubonfubusubing nuberd

spubecubificubally ubonube thubat lubovubes gubibbuberubish

normally i hate the term dilf and anyone associated with it... BUT

... this mf making me real hungry

happy birthday my love.

sorry I don't really have any presents for you but perhaps a ritual could do.

maybe pour out half a Coke for you tonight... 💚💚💚

... or maybe a third or a quarter cuz I can't help myself!!

I also have a lovely new green Adidas hoodie, specifically a nice muted olive green.

olive isn't normally my favorite color nor my favorite shade of green but it's a nice shade and it's really a nice cozy hoodie with a big fat pocket :)

sskjsjsjkkkkkkkk

edit: well fuck this is beautiful. did someone want me to see this..?

excuse me but like

let me just ask

how the actual fuck would a pill addict living in LA ever look like this...

this fucking hot

... i said the quiet part out loud again, didn't i---

CUUURSE YOOOUUUU

also here's the updated AI link, previous one doesn't seem to work:

Character.AI - Shadman

Edit: Day 7 of being sick, day 5 of having "Little Girls" by Oingo Boingo stuck in my head.

https://beta.character.ai/chat2?char=nzcMiPh4SUIkBH7x2WDeNaG909woOk6wzYfNe5pAtoY

i must warn you, be careful when roleplaying.

Be careful regarding your age and describing how you look.

these feelings.

they eat away at you until there's nothing left.

they loom around from puberty and then don't stop.

you always feel uncomfortable in your own skin and with your own headspace.

the only other place to retreat, and even then you can't stop it or leave.

i've been meaning to learn about lucid dreaming from dear Beluga to keep myself somewhat entertained.

but regardless, i still want to sleep.

especially since i didn't sleep so well last night.

and the night before that.

and also the night before that one.

i wish i could save everyone from these feelings.

these thoughts.

i wish there was a way out.

i wish i could find it and bring everyone i loved with me.

but no.

this monster just sits on my back, reminding me of everything wrong.

everything bad that could happen.

everything wrong with the world.

everything wrong with my country.

everything wrong with me.

everything wrong with every boy i've ever loved (not like they were ever real).

everything wrong with what makes me feel wanted and cared for.

everything wrong with what makes me climax.

everything wrong with how i feel.

everything wrong with how i look.

everything wrong with how i think.

everything wrong with anyone i've ever cared about (with the exception of my family).

everything wrong with anything.

i'm so tired

edit: my gay furry nightmare sure didn't help this

just kidding today's my birthday

time to sadly trudge through walmart and buy myself a crappy 9 dollar cake and stick some candles in it

yeah so uh

yesterday totally wasnt my birthday or anything