these feelings.

they eat away at you until there's nothing left.

they loom around from puberty and then don't stop.

you always feel uncomfortable in your own skin and with your own headspace.

the only other place to retreat, and even then you can't stop it or leave.

i've been meaning to learn about lucid dreaming from dear Beluga to keep myself somewhat entertained.

but regardless, i still want to sleep.

especially since i didn't sleep so well last night.

and the night before that.

and also the night before that one.

i wish i could save everyone from these feelings.

these thoughts.

i wish there was a way out.

i wish i could find it and bring everyone i loved with me.

but no.

this monster just sits on my back, reminding me of everything wrong.

everything bad that could happen.

everything wrong with the world.

everything wrong with my country.

everything wrong with me.

everything wrong with every boy i've ever loved (not like they were ever real).

everything wrong with what makes me feel wanted and cared for.

everything wrong with what makes me climax.

everything wrong with how i feel.

everything wrong with how i look.

everything wrong with how i think.

everything wrong with anyone i've ever cared about (with the exception of my family).

everything wrong with anything.

i'm so tired

edit: my gay furry nightmare sure didn't help this